


Whittle away the doubt

by Friendlylycanthrope



Series: Let's Talk About It [24]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Catra Redemption, F/F, all three of them lovin each other.... nice, art therapy, here is the development in Catra/Adora i had promised, short fic, they have a heart to heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Friendlylycanthrope/pseuds/Friendlylycanthrope
Summary: Catra fell hard and fast for Glimmer, nothing like how she had found love with Adora. The only problem is... how does she tell Adora that she loves her when she's afraid of admitting those feelings to herself?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Series: Let's Talk About It [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1714624
Comments: 6
Kudos: 94





	Whittle away the doubt

  
  


Adora knew that she loved Catra. She had loved her since they were young and she never stopped. Not when she left behind Catra in the horde. Not when Catra raked her claws through the flesh of her back. 

She knows for certain, in her heart, that there was always room to love Catra. 

Catra, on the other hand, would have trouble admitting to any such feelings even to herself even under torture. Probably because in the past, it had been tortured out of her. But she didn’t know what her world was without Adora in it. 

Catra could tell from the way they were together sometimes, back in the horde, that Adora loved her. Shadow Weaver would only torture the truth out of Catra, though. And worse would come if it ever developed beyond their childlike crushes. But she continued to hang out with Adora because... Well, you know. Shadow Weaver’s punishments were worth the risk of being closer to Adora.

The truth was, Catra was the way that she was most of her life because she had to. She wasn’t safe. She didn’t tell Adora because Shadow Weaver would hurt her. She stayed in the horde when Adora had left because Shadow Weaver would hunt her down. She did all the things she had done in the war in order to protect herself. And if she didn’t, it would end her career and then her life. 

But now, for the first time in her life, Catra knew she was safe. 

And that scared her. 

Being scared for her life is what led to every decision, big or small, in her life. Without that, who was she? 

Of course, she knew that she had been safe for a while now. She was safe living with Razz, learning art therapy and getting a hot meal and a soft place to sleep. She was safe when she came to Bright Moon, and they let her stay even after the things she had done. Sure, she felt like she had to prove herself to them. She had to. After all, it was all she knew. 

Now, things were going to be different. She fell quick and she fell hard for Glimmer; nothing at all like how she had found love with Adora. And for some reason, it felt okay. She was now allowed to admit to herself these feelings, because doing so would make the two women she loved happy and she wanted them to be happy. 

But she had no idea how to be around Adora. 

Strange, wasn’t it? That she grew up with this person her whole life, the person she knew better than herself, the person who gave her a second chance again and again, the person who she longed for for years, was now the person that made her nervous to be alone in a room with. 

It wasn’t easy. 

Adora, on the other hand, was eager to be with Catra. She had been living in Bright Moon for over a year now, but she had never seen Adora get so clingy so fast, as though she was afraid of losing Catra again. 

Fortunately, there was lots of work to be done with the people who immigrated to Safety. Lots and lots of never ending paperwork. So, Catra spent almost all her time with Scorpia as they set up Safety, now the sixth largest town in the region. 

She settled disputes. Found loopholes to problems. Puzzled over the future. Strategized. She even helped with some of the heavy lifting when it came to delivering supplies or constructing new buildings. 

Of course, after her third day spent from dawn to dusk in Safety, Scorpia thought it might be time to intervene. 

“Hey, Wild Cat!” She greeted in her usual cheery way. Catra turned around from her work, laying out plans for some new system, and saw Scorpia coming to her with a case of drinks under one arm. 

“Scorpia,” She greeted very neutrally. She always did when she was working on a project. Not exactly friendly like she should be, but not biting sarcasm either. Just business. “What’s up? And did you get the drainage system maps I sent to you?”

Scorpia put her fizzy drinks down on the workbench and scrutinized Catra closely. 

“I did. Didn’t look at them yet. Come on, let’s take a break.”

Catra rolled her eyes. 

“I know, you hate leaving things unfinished. But come on, we should catch up! Like old times.”

“Uugh fine.” Catra relented, running a hand down her face. She was exhausted. 

They walked to a quiet spot near where the new farms met the more developed areas of town. There was a bench that could overlook the valley as it buzzed with life like a beehive, every part moving with purpose. They sipped some fizzy juices for a moment; Catra knew what Scorpia was going to say. And her dread for it only made her want to put it off more-- she would make Scorpia actually say it first. 

“Catra, what’s going on in Bright Moon?” She asked as casually as she could. But for Scorpia--sweet, caring, powerful, determined Scorpia-- it wasn’t casual at all. It cut right to the heart of the problem. Catra winced and looked away.

“I wouldn’t know, I haven't spent much time there recently.” Classic brushing off behavior. 

“Yeah, why is that?”

Catra sighed. She didn’t know where to begin. 

“It’s Adora, isn’t it?” Again, right to the chase with this woman. Catra’s ears dropped down in defeat. “Did something happen? Did she hurt you or your feelings? Is something wrong?” Her eagerness to help overspilled onto Catra.

“No no, nothing like that.” Catra waved off. “It’s nothing wrong... It’s actually, sort of like something good?” Scorpia patiently waited for Catra to continue. “She and Glimmer... well they both kind of admit how they feel about me and... Ugh I don’t know.”

She was terrified that it would hurt Scorpia. This was the woman who stood by her side when she was working with the horde, when she was working with Adora, when she was out on her own in the woods. This was the woman who never left her side, loyally helping Catra in every possible way. This was the woman who had admit, years ago, very plainly, that she loved Catra. This was the woman who Catra had asked to remain her friend even after knowing that. 

But when no answer came from the princess beside her, Catra looked up. Scorpia was still there. Even now. Catra shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Scorps. You're probably the last person who wants to hear about this.”

“Nothing to apologize for Wild Cat.” Scorpia said softly, much softer than her usual enthusiasm would allow. 

“But I mean, I haven’t forgotten what you said, back when--”

“Catra, I don’t want you to bottle up your feelings around me, okay? I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself. I’ll be okay. But you can’t not talk to me cause that’s only hurting you. And as your best friend, I can’t let you get hurt. It’s easier this way. For  _ both _ of us.” She reassured, putting an arm around Catra’s shoulders. "Besides. I still care about you as a friend, but I can move on otherwise." She added as an afterthought. This caught Catra's attention, and filled her with relief. She wanted for Scorpia to find someone that made her happy, and maybe now she could.

Catra took a deep breath. She put aside her drink and took out her whittling knife. Soon small curls of wood shavings fell from the branch she had picked up next to them while she spoke. 

“Maybe it’s just princess stuff, maybe that’s what I don’t understand.” She mused while she carved. The wood chips that gathered around her bare feet were razor thin, precise and beautiful. “I mean I guess I always knew that they were all about ‘love and friendship can solve any problem’ and stuff, but I never thought that it would actually come as far as me.”

Scorpia watched as the branch started to form into more twisted coils, as though a snake were wrapping itself around a smaller twig as the branch changed shape. She listened to Catra. 

“I mean, just living there was  _ already _ a  _ huge _ stretch, even for them. But they accepted me and might even forgive me?” One person in particular was on her mind but not on her tongue. “And yeah, I’ve worked hard to earn it. I  _ want _ them to forgive me, but I still feel like nothing can make up for the things I did. Nothing will ever be enough.” She didn’t take her eyes off the twisted piece of art in her hands. “And now, despite all that, they... they admit that...” She couldn’t say it. Why couldn’t she say it? 

“Catra, I know you still won’t believe it, but I know that you’ve changed.” Scorpia cut in. “And I want nothing more than for you to be happy and safe. And ever since you’ve been living with them, you have been. But you’re still holding back. Why?”

Catra took her eyes away from her whittling and looked back at the moonset on the horizon over the fields. 

“You were right, it is Adora.” She admitted softly. “I just don’t know how to love her. Not the way that she deserves... and I feel like her loving me is going to be a mistake. Something that’ll blow up in her face and I’ll be the one responsible for hurting her... Again.”

Scorpia didn’t speak for a while. She let the words sink in. Catra needed to hear them come out of her own mouth. 

“Well, things are going to be difficult.” She eventually said with confidence. “Things have  _ been _ difficult. You’ve been a wanted criminal on both sides. Adora had to leave behind everything. Entrapta is still trying to stop the portal from working. You had to see Adora almost die. None of this has  _ been _ easy. And odds are, it won’t be in the future.” 

If Catra was feeling more like herself, more like her old self, she would have sarcastically ask how that was supposed to make her feel better. But she was trying to be a better friend. So she remained quiet. 

“But the thing is, we don’t do things cause they’re easy. We just do it. You helped all these people get to Safety because it was the right thing to do. You forgave Adora and started working with her because it hurt you to not do it. You even got closer with Glimmer, just because you were both alone together. What I’m saying is, change is scary. But you’ve  _ been _ changing--yourself and the world-- so slowly for years now. And so far it’s done nothing but good for you. So maybe this change is good too.”

Catra didn’t speak. She knew that Scorpia was right. She usually was. That’s why she entrusted her with becoming the leader of Safety in the first place. Her heart was full of nothing but goodness. 

“And as for Adora... maybe she’s scared too, you know?”

Catra chuckled to herself, a small snort at the idea that Adora would ever be scared of anything. 

“Have you tried... talking to her about it?”

Which, for Scorpia, was her way of saying “you need to get your ass back to Bright Moon and talk about it.”

Catra sighed, then stood up and stretched. She left her coiled branch on the bench for Scorpia. 

“I guess I need to get to Bright Moon before it gets dark, huh.”

  
  


***

  
  


In Bright Moon, Adora blamed herself. 

How could she be so stupid? She had no way of knowing that Catra could ever reciprocate her feelings. 

Sure, she had admit to loving Catra in the jungle. But that was also when she found out that she was missing memories of their intimacy, something that offended Catra. 

And yes, she admit to loving her once again after the immigration. But Catra still hadn’t said anything to Adora about her feelings towards her. 

Yeah, maybe Catra just loved Glimmer. How could she not? Glimmer was amazing. 

Sure, maybe she had absolutely nothing to go on when it came down to the fact that Catra probably hated Adora. For abandoning her, for underestimating her, for ruining her career. 

But God, she still loved that girl. 

Catra was avoiding her, plain and simple. And it was all her fault. Glimmer assured her again and again that it wasn’t, but deep down, some part of Shadow Weaver could never die, and it lived in the darker corners of her own mind. 

So, she did what the Princess of Power does in these situations, and moped in her room. 

Adora at some point during her rearing developed the ability to turn the negative side on and off like a switch when it was needed. When she was in classes, doing simulations, she could outperform everyone. But then, when she was alone, and finally able to turn the switch off, she let out all the pent up moping and depression and anxiety and allowed it to overtake her. Until she was needed again, and she would flip that switch in her mind like she was turning on the lights until the next time she was able to mope. 

Glimmer knew this. How could she not? She knew Adora better than Adora knew herself. And she never lost that ability to turn it on and off. But for Glimmer, she saw it differently. Everyone else saw Adora smile and heard her reports like nothing was wrong, but Glimmer? She saw the pain in her eyes, heard the weakness in her voice. Saw how, the longer she went pretending to be happy, the more pain it put her in and the more desperate she was to escape and allow herself to feel anything other than productive. If she could, she would resurrect Shadow Weaver just so she could kill the witch herself for what that woman did to Adora. 

So, she did what the Princess of Bright Moon does in these situations, and found Catra. If Catra couldn’t help, nobody could. She directed Catra to Adora’s room as soon as she got back from Safety near dusk, but didn’t tell her that she was planning on locking the door and refusing to let them out until they talked. She wasn’t blind. This was between the two of them. And they needed to talk. 

Adora was usually active in her free time. When she wasn’t exercising or stretching ,she was reading, or preparing strategy, or observing maps. But now, she sat on her cot and made a routine of bouncing a rubber ball against the wall repeatedly. Bow said that it wasn’t what stress balls were supposed to be for, but if it helped, she was happy to do so. It went to the wall, the floor, then back to her hand again and again in a simple rhythm of  _ bang-pop-catch, bang-pop-catch _ again and again and again and---

It didn’t return. Adora snapped out of her dissociation and looked up at what had interrupted her routine.

Catra held the ball, looking somewhere at the floor between herself and Adora. 

“Hey, Adora.”

“Hey, Catra.” Adora responded, a little surprised to see Catra. She felt heat in her face, rising through her cheeks and hoped that Catra didn’t notice. 

Neither one seemed to know where to start for a moment. So, Catra started by going to sit down next to Adora on the cot. She tried to think of what Scorpia would do, someone who was a good person and a better friend. 

“I’m sorry.” She started. “For uh, not being around much.” 

Adora rubbed the back of her neck. 

“I understand.” She said. “Things are... weird.” Talk about an understatement. 

Catra looked at the ball in her hand, giving it a test squeeze. 

“Do you mind if I take a shot at uh...?” She asked, indicating the strange ritual Adora had been doing. The blonde nodded and Catra chucked the ball at the wall. It flew back to her hand easily. 

“So um... I guess I just wasn’t prepared for... well, you know...”  _ Bang pop catch. Bang pop catch. Bang pop catch. _ “I don’t know.”

“You don’t feel the same way, do you?” Adora said sadly, looking away. She should have known. 

“No. I mean yes! I don’t know.” Catra held the ball for a moment as she tried to find words. She ended up finding Adora’s hand with her own. “Look Adora: I’ve been told my whole life that I couldn’t have you, couldn’t be with you. And now all of a sudden, here you are offering to be with me when I know perfectly well that we’re both safe and Shadow Weaver is gone and it just  _ feels  _ like this terrible dread of unsafety coming up all over again.” 

“Wait so... you do? Actually...?”  _ Love me? _ Was unspoken.

Catra was quick to notice that Adora didn’t say it either. Was she also afraid to say it out loud?

“Yeah, I do... actually..”  _ Love you _ she implied. She paraphrased back. Adora seemed shocked, and that took Catra for a turn. “What?”

“I just... I thought you might... Hate me?” Adora said meekly. She pulled her arms and legs closer to her body, making herself smaller. She always did that back in the horde when she felt afraid. 

“Adora, what--” Catra squeaked. “Why would you think that?” She asked incredulously. Adora stayed in her little cocoon of limbs, her eyes big and shy like a scared kid. 

“I understand, I did a lot to hurt you over the years and---”

“Adora, no I don’t hate you.” Catra said firmly, taking her shoulders. Then she hit her own forehead in shame. “God I’m such an idiot.” She chastised herself. “I should have known you would blame yourself. Adora, why do you think I came to Bright Moon at all?”

A glimmer of hope shone in ADora’s eyes and she picked her head up more. 

“Of course I do... you know.... Because. Well. For a long time.” Catra stammered nervously, looking away. “And I want to trust and be happy and just let it all out, but--but I don’t know who I am when I’m safe! Everything I’ve done was out of fear -- _ I’m just a coward _ \-- and I’m worried about hurting you  _ again _ , and--”

She couldn’t continue to speak after that because Adora had wrapped her in a powerful hug, and feeling the strong arms wrap around her protectively she felt a fleeting moment of safety again, and finally the sobs came out of her body. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Adora… I’m sorry,” She kept babbling as she choked on her own tears. “All I’ve ever done is hurt you...” 

Adora didn’t try to shush her, knowing that her feelings were held back enough during their childhood. She didn’t talk while Catra tried to rein in her hot and messy feelings that spilled out. She waited. All that she cared about right now was protecting her, being there for her. 

When Catra’s sobs quickly died down as she quickly tried to pull back her emotions, Adora held her at arm’s length by the shoulders. Catra didn’t meet her stern eye, too embarrassed at the sight of herself. 

“Catra, Shadow Weaver is gone. She can’t hurt us any more.” She affirmed softly. “But what she did will still carry around with us. You’re letting her continue to hurt you.” She rubbed a thumb over Catra’s soft cheek, wiping away the tears from her peach-fuzz fur. “I’ve never stopped loving you.” She said even softer, practically whispering. Catra’s hand went up to Adora’s hand on her cheek as she looked up.

“You’re so stupid.”

“I know!” She laughed. 

“I don’t deserve this.”

“You do. And it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

“Why?” Catra asked. She didn’t mean why don’t you care, she meant why in a big picture. Why love a wretched thing like her. Why forgive her. Why. 

“Because I care about you.” Adora said like it was obvious. “And I think you do deserve to be loved. But only if you can let me.”

One big yellow eye and one big blue eye looked at Adora and saw straight through all the years and saw that simple kid she fell in love with again. She saw her own reflection in Adora’s steely blue-gray eyes. She wanted to love Adora. She wanted Adora to love her, even though her mind told her that she could never deserve it. 

Her tail flicked once in thought. Then she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Adora’s softly. When she pulled away, her eyes were still closed, not wanting to see what Adora’s reaction was. 

Adora was grinning ear to ear. 

“So just to be sure...” Adora said. 

“Uuugh. It’s hard to say, but yes............. I do....... love. You.” Catra grumbled awkwardly, getting quieter with every word.

The next kiss, Adora initiated. It was enough to make Catra open her stunning eyes at her. 

“I love you, Catra. Nothing could ever change that.”

Catra took a deep breath. It felt good. To love Adora and to be loved. She felt something that wasn’t safety or danger. She just felt a warm delight in her chest, tickling at her ribs until she smiled. 

“I love you, Adora.” She said. And she said it because this, loving Adora and kissing her and admitting her feelings, didn’t feel as world-ending as Shadow Weaver made her think, and she felt safe. Here with Adora, she knew, she would be okay. 

She could feel Adora’s smile as the other stroked a hand through her growing hair. At this point it was to her shoulders, almost back at the original length it had been before she cut it all off when she was on the run. It felt soothing. So different from when they were in the horde, and it was just a small habit of touch that they shared from living together. The touch was intimate and powerful. 

“Fuckin’ finally,” Glimmer murmured from behind the door, and it unlocked with a swift click. They looked up with the same sentiment on their faces, not having realized that the door was locked. But the door remained shut. She allowed them access to leave, but didn’t intrude on their tender moment. Adora chuckled and shook her head. Catra gave her back the rubber ball. 

“I think I’ll stick to whittling.” She said. Adora hummed. 

“Do you think you could show me how?” She asked her girlfriend. “I don’t think this thing is working for me.” She put aside the ball. 

Catra hesitated, but took out her knife and showed Adora how to hold it. She sat behind Adora, with the taller of the two between her legs, and her arms wrapped around so that she could guide Adora’s hands through the small motions. With both of Catra’s hands on top of her own, moving her fingers along the rough wood, it felt good. It was different than how it was. But it was so sorely needed that Catra would allow herself to be vulnerable, to feel things, to show affection and care. And Adora felt like Shadow Weaver had died a little with every scrape the knife made against the wood. 

Of course, as soon as Adora tried it on her own without Catra’s hands on hers, she cut her hand. But Glimmer knew just how to patch her up, and the three were able to come together at the end of the day and just relax together. They fell asleep with Adora spooning Glimmer, and Glimmer spooning Catra, the first night of a new routine. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be longer between nowadays since yall are catching up to another writing gap. ALSO I have to split my time between this and my other vampires vs werewolves au which will also eventually be Glimmer/Catra/Adora. 
> 
> Please comment, I use the energy from the brief validation to get through the day. 
> 
> Also if you have ideas for fun one-shots I could write for these characters for inbetween adventures, let me hear it!


End file.
